& you ruin everything, pinterest

You know Pinterest, right? Of course you do—everyone knows Pinterest. It’s that awesome little social media pinboard website that lets people share all kinds of amazing gems hidden on the internet.

WRONG.

PINTEREST IS OUT TO DESTROY YOU AND EAT YOUR SOUL.

Once upon a time, when your wife volunteered to make a birthday cake to celebrate her mother’s and sister’s birthdays, she could just throw a can of frosting on top of one of Mrs. Crocker’s finest box mixes and call it good. In, out, done. Boom.

Then along comes Pinterest to make everyone look bad. Now just to keep up with the internet’s Joneses, she’s gotta buy two cake mixes and some food coloring so that there are multiple layers in incrementally deeper hues of pink. Then she has to separate out the cake mixes, dyeing each batch perfectly and baking them so they come out right before setting them out on the dining room table to cool so she can assemble the cake the following day.

Of course, the following morning when you’re out with your baby son at his swimming class, your dog will decide the bowl of food she has downstairs is no good and will eat the darkest three layers from off the dining room table. When you get home, your wife will yell at the dog and then send you to the store for yet another box of cake mix and vegetable oil.

After re-baking the three dog-eaten layers, your wife will send you to the store again because she needs more powdered sugar for the buttercream frosting—because canned frosting won’t cut it with Pinterest. Then she’ll send you another time for vanilla extract because she thought you had more than you did, and you’ll be thankful you live across the street from the grocery store.

When she starts to assemble the cake, the super-thick buttercream will start to make the newly-cooked darker layers resemble the faces of those poor massacred teens from the scare-fest videos in driver’s education. Your wife will realize this is because these layers didn’t cook long enough and begin to swear at the cake and for Pete’s Sake WHO SWEARS AT CAKE IT’S SWEET AND SOFT AND DELICIOUS AND I LOVE YOU CAKE. She’ll get fed up trying to frost these layers and throw them in the trash. You’ll cry—partly because you just had to go out and buy that cake mix and partly because cake just went into the trash instead of your belly. This is a sacrifice to the Pinterest gods. They are a vengeful lot.

Your wife will achieve success with the remaining three layers, as they’ve been cooked correctly, and cover them in swirly doodads, also in incrementally darker hues of pink. This last part will be relatively painless, except for the hand cramps because you and your wife had to stir food coloring into the super-thick buttercream frosting and squeeze it out of a bag. You and your wife will feel better looking at a finished cake and she’ll still love her family. You’ll go to bed and softly cry into your pillow because two days were shot to hell on a birthday cake.

I hope you die in a fire, Pinterest. You and your raised expectations.

The cake of destiny.  You win this time, Pinterest. THIS TIME.

The cake of destiny.
You win this time, Pinterest. THIS TIME.

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417 thoughts on “& you ruin everything, pinterest

  1. A true family classic story. Ande if you continue to write such grand family memories, I’ll have to hand over the “truth is greater than fiction-especially when it comes to family stories” story-telling mantle to you. This one rates right up there with “Bees in the Bathroom” and “We can fix the faucet with an old turkey roaster we found in the yard”. Grand. And the pain of the memory will fade into the past as that butter cream frosting slides down our gullets..

    Reply
  2. …”I lOVE YOU CAKE.” HA! Great story. She’ll look back on this and laugh. And when she does, she’ll look at you, and you’ll probably say, “Don’t look at me, I’ll never get those days back!”

    Reply
    • The psychological scars will last a lifetime. I have a feeling that one day in the future, she’ll be drinking a glass of iced tea and suddenly fling it against the wall. I’ll ask what’s wrong, and she’ll mutter, “Buttercream.”

      Reply
    • I don’t know what in here makes it seem like anything other than hypothetical. You might be reading too much into it.

      Or the PTSD (Pinterest Treats Stress Disorder) has put me in denial.

      Reply
  3. This will be shown to my husband, and he will laugh, and then he will declare you his brother. For I am an amateur cake decorator, and have been since even BEFORE Pinterest. And I am ridiculous. However, I did finally have the good sense to stop making cakes for anyone who asked me. Now I just make them for my kids…and for family members who promise to reward me with riches.

    Reply
  4. Yeah – I think you saw the monster cake I made for Doodle. I *love* Pinterest, and I love finding super amazing things that exist in the deepest corners of the internet that I’d never be able to find on my own. But I totally understand the raised expectations that Pinterest has seemed to place on many people. Look back at my “I Wanna Be Sedated” – that’s ALL Pinterest… And I’ve got another one I’ve got to figure out in two months… So, is that the Karli cake or the Pinterest cake?

    Reply
      • Seriously, though – kudos to Karli, it looks great, and rock on you for helping with the store runs and frosting mixing. I’d definitely say Karli/Ande 1 – Pinterest 0. And dog 3, but who’s counting? 🙂

    • I kinda wish technology would catch up to the mind-erasing flashy thingies from Men In Black so that my wife didn’t either.

      Reply
    • I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. If something were to be taken out of existence, something else will just step up to take its place, and there’s a chance that thing might be worse. I’m positive this is how Jersey Shore stayed on the air for so long.

      Reply
    • The cake has been eaten and it was deeeeeeeee-licious. Almost worth all the work. I think the dog still got to eat more of it than anyone else.

      Reply
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  6. I;m going through the same thing right now with a Baby shower cake. Can’t jsut be a beautiful cake on the outside, NO. The mom-to-be has requested the inside to be cheetah patterned. Yes, the INSIDE! And just guess where she found the idea?!

    Your wife’s cake turned out beautiful though!

    Reply
    • I think if a mom-to-be had asked me to cheetah print the cake on the inside, I’d tell her that if her baby comes out cheetah printed, she’s got a deal.

      My wife also thanks you for the kind words. It tasted good, too.

      Reply
  7. I don’t know how you put up with us, you poor unfortunate, cake-eating soul. Enough of these blogs, I’m off to find something to make for dinner on Pintrest.

    Reply
    • I don’t know who “us” is, but it really doesn’t matter. The answer is liquor. Copious amounts of liquor. Always.

      Reply
  8. if she really thought about it, you can turn the bad cake (a sad concept) into cake balls. Mr loves them and has decided when I go on a cooking strike (Oh Heavens!) that he will make them on his own (to which I end up dipping into the melted chocolate because he sucks at it).

    Reply
    • I think cake balls could’ve easily become a projectile, and with the mood she was in, the last thing I wanted to do was provide her a weapon. Another weapon, that is. She already had a knife.

      Reply
  9. So, so funny because it’s absolutely true – Pinterest is a major life-ruiner. If it makes you feel any better, your wife’s cake looks absolutely beautiful!

    Reply
    • Thanks! It certainly makes her feel better. I was just glad it was tasty. Now I’m going to go try to change her Pinterest password so I don’t have to go through that again.

      Reply
    • And it was good. The end product was rather nice. The path to get there was soul-crushing. Luckily, buttercream frosting is known for its magical healing powers.

      Reply
    • It is a scandal. In fact, I’m pretty sure that 56% (give-or-take) of Pinterest accounts are actually run by Martha Stewart in a scheme to turn the entire world into one big “Martha Stewart Living” ad campaign.

      That’s right—I’M ONTO YOU, LADY!

      Reply
  10. I must say, that IS a beautiful cake. Also, may or may not have played out this exact scenario with my own husband. Or at least something very similar. Pinterest = giant time/money suck.

    Reply
  11. Hey great post right there! I am new here in WordPress, just wanted to stop by at some blogs. If you ever want to know about Social Networking and Social Media visit my blog anytime! Cheers.

    Hart

    Reply
    • I’m glad you got pictures of the process. I was too busy running to the grocery store. But that’s about what our process looked like here—plus one barfing dog.

      Side note, my wife laughed more at your post than mine. You win the “Who wore it better” contest.

      Reply
  12. I just laughed so hard that I might have cried just a little. People are always begging me to get on Pinterest, and others are simply aghast that I have chosen not to. I have enough to do and more than enough expectations that I really don’t need the Pinterest guilt added to the load. I had an older mom recently tell me the other day that she volunteered to bring the plates and napkins to the kindergarten party because she didn’t want to deal with the Pinterest crazed 20 something moms who were trying to outdo each other.

    The cake does look pretty fabulous though. I only have one suggestion – make the inside chocolate and the color won’t matter… plus it’s my favorite! 🙂

    Reply
    • I think the 6 most regretted words here might be, “Hey, you should get on Pinterest.” Our lives have never been good enough since.

      Chocolate would’ve been my choice, too. But, sadly, it wasn’t my cake. My wife thanks you for the compliment.

      Reply
  13. I think the lesson learned we can all learn from this is…..live across the street from the grocery store.

    Reply
  14. I just make do, at least Pinterest creates the idea. There’s no way I’d be trying to make it perfectly. 🙂 Great post, I laughed and appreciate the difficulty that you experienced 😛

    Reply
    • If I had a nickel for every idea that Pinterest gave me that I then went and butchered, I’d probably be able to fill a sock and club someone to death. Probably the guy who started Pinterest.

      Thanks! I appreciate you coming by!

      Reply
  15. I beg to differ.

    In fact I think pinterest is actually the lazy-person’s spinach (in the popeye “i can defeat anyone” sense that is, not the “ew, why isn’t this cake” one). Here’s my logic:

    First you have to start with the winner’s attitude that there are only two categories of achievement in life: the best, and might as well have stayed home.

    Well, Pre-pinterest a little extra creativity and time was generally enough to ensure that you had the coolest cake on the block. So justifying NOT putting in that extra time and effort for dear mom and sis’s bdays while not frankly admitting it was because you were a lazy jerk was tough.

    But THEN along came pinterest. And all of a sudden forget competing with the block for “best” status, you’ve got the creme de la creme of the web wide world as a standard for comparison. There’s no freaking way you’re going to be the best fish in that pond! Or at least not without levels of investment that even the most demanding of moms and sisters couldn’t expect.

    At this point we revisit tenant one of the winner’s mantra and we’re just about done: be the best or stay home. And so with option 1 out of the way we’re free to skip the cake mix entirely, leaving plenty of spare time to hop on the couch with a laptop fired up to peruse the latest Wonders of the World a la, of course, Pinterest.

    Reply
  16. While reading this I was genuinely excited and angry the whole way through. I could feel the frustration in text punching me in the eyes and ears through my computer screen. Excellent writing.

    Pinterest is where good things look bad, the bad looks awful and the amazing look moderately achievable. 🙂 Just my two cents

    Reply
    • Thanks! I appreciate it. I think—you might have just said my writing made your eyes hurt and I’m too stupid to see it.

      I think Pinterest is where self-delusion moves from hobby to art form.

      Reply
      • No way, haha. It was definitely a positive compliment. No sarcasm present. I really admire your writing.

  17. I’m under a strict: As long as it tastes good, it doesn’t have to be pretty policy. I use Pinterest to look up recipes, but the picture perfect food scene isn’t my thing. I’d rather have something delicious than pretty, and if the interwebs won’t repin it because it’s not fancy enough, my feelings are not hurt in the least.

    Reply
  18. I love this post! You mean I’m not the only one who feels completely inadequate with how I garden/bake/cook/decorate after looking at incredible pictures on Pinterest?!?! 🙂

    Reply
  19. Someone might have mentionned this already but I didn’t notice it, so here’s something for you to further heal from your pinterest related trauma: pinterest fails. Google that. And laugh, laugh till you cry.

    Obviously sites like Pinterest make everything look super easy: make your own soap, dye your own clothes, make your own cheese in 5 minutes, build a table! That simply puts more pressure on people to be amazing at cooking, home decorating and so forth, and makes them feel bad if their result is not as amazing as the one on the photo. Although frankly, Martha Stewart has been doing that to me for years (Love you Martha). Pinterest fails makes you realize just how much work and skills some pinned projects demand, and that it’s ok to be human and just dismiss them as what they are in so many cases: way too much trouble.

    Loved your post, congrats on being FP. And thanks for liberating all the other people who can breath and feel better about themselves after reading this! Now, back to my homemade mozarella… 😉

    Reply
    • I’m actually a big fan of Pintester myself. Some of those things should come with a warning.

      I’m terrified to do some of those things, like make my own laundry soap. Mostly because a new wardrobe costs more than picking up a cake from the grocery store when I screw it up.

      Reply
      • I’ll checkt it out! I agree some projects or people pin are kinda dangerous or plain wrong. Lots of home-remedies or health tricks found there would make doctors frown. Still some tips I found on Pinterest are legit and eco-friendly. And I am considering making my own laudry powder, but I found the recipe on the Zero home blog, not Pinterest.

    • True. In fact, most of it is very, very good. It’s bozos like me who screw it up that are the real problem.

      I’m also now finding it necessary to google “Marmite.”

      Reply
  20. I hate Pinterest. Everything is so pretty. And I know there’s no way I could do any of it, as I am the clumsiest person alive.

    I’m super-impressed with your wife’s cake. It might have taken her a while to get there, but it’s gorgeous. My cake = a sheet cake in a banged-up metal pan with scabrous frosting on it because I never wait for it to cool enough before I frost the damn thing.

    I will never win the Betty Crocker prize. Is that a thing? I’m sure it is. I’m just not handy enough to be on the mailing list.

    Reply
    • Your cake sounds like my cake. My wife is actually good at these things. That’s why it’s more fun to mock her when she has a hard time with them.

      If the Betty Crocker prize isn’t a thing, you should go ahead and make it a thing. Then claim it. You work hard—you deserve it.

      Reply
  21. Pinterest has sucked in my soul….It is the photography that kills me. I cannot get those kinds of shot no matter how much I try….it sucks me in….ahhh.

    Reply
    • No kidding. The pictures make it look so easy! Then you give it a whirl and find out it’s just all damned, dirty lies.

      Reply
  22. This made my day. I also think Pinterest is evil. I recently join PInterest. Not because I was like, “Hey, this looks like a fun place to be!” But because I was tricked. I just wanted to look at a picture that a friend posted. I was on my phone. Next thing I know, I am signed up.
    Thankfully (I think), I am lazy. I can look at the things (ALL THE THINGS!) but that is all. No multiple trips to stores and sad, sad trash cake. I just think to myself, “Somebody I know needs to make this so I can eat it.”

    Reply
    • Pinterest is wonderful if you find yourself having too much self-esteem. It’ll take care of that in a hurry.

      You’ll find yourself trying one eventually. Then, about twelve hours later, you’ll be kneeling amidst a kitchen mess that looks like Poppin Fresh exploded, sobbing into your apron, mumbling, “I just wanted it to look like the picture.” Don’t worry—it happens to the best of us.

      Reply
      • Maybe I can prevent this from happening if I never buy an apron. I will tell myself t his. This thought will be my safety blanket. All will be juuuuuuust fiiiiiiine! You’ll see!

  23. So funny. And so true! Just have to keep from comparing yours to theirs. Longing for the good ol days before social media…

    Reply
    • Don’t be silly—there were no days before social media. See:

      (Gen. 1:1-5) “In the beginning there was Zuckerberg. He looked around and saw that there was nothing, so he played some video games. And on the fourth day, he said, ‘Let there be pokes.’ With that, all of Facebook was laid out before him. And he saw it was good. And on the fifth day, he changed the layout, which made everyone really, really mad. And on the sixth day, he created the Privacy Policy, and the citizens of Facebook did rise against him. So on the seventh day, he rested.”

      Reply
      • Ok, I give. I cannot live without SM. But there was a lot less pressure when nobody was looking 🙂

    • She did, indeed. And we got to eat it, and it was good. Buttercream heals all wounds—that’s how the saying goes, right?

      Reply
  24. Wow! You described me to an extent! Lol I love pinterest. It has both complicated my life & made it easier at the same time. I didn’t realize I liked being domestic & crafty until this came along..& how unorganized & dirty my house was/is. Anyways, great post:)

    Reply
    • I ‘m not sure if it’s better to think you’re brilliant and be unaware of how wrong you are or to know exactly how un-brilliant you are.

      Yes I do—ignorance is better. Much better.

      (Sorry I didn’t reply to you till now. I completely missed your comment. I blame Pinterest.)

      Reply
    • Thanks! And I appreciate you coming over to read it. Probably on the toilet. Because that’s where I assume everyone does their blog reading.

      Reply
  25. HAHAHA! Yes! I was just thinking about all my pinterest fails tonight and considering making a board called ‘Tried it and it SUCKED!’ Or maybe I just suck at making it. Whatever. A warning to other blinded wannabee overachievers. Enjoy mediocracy.

    Reply
  26. You are so right, but dare I say it began even before Pinterest. Think about it. Who is the pain in the rear goodie-two-shoes crafter from hell who started the whole “do everything yourself for way more time, effort, and expense then actually buying it ready-made” trend? Martha Stewart, that’s who! Let’s blame her.

    Reply
      • Ok but we spare the dogs. I say we dramatically mow over the gate with an RV camper (obscure Breaking Bad reference) and the battle cry “Release the hounds!”.

      • In.

        You’ll have to bring the RV. And the hounds. My dog is currently coming down off a five-day sugar rush.

  27. Hahaha I love this! Pinterest ruins everything, I have had this opinion for a long time!! It’s the same auld recycled stuff over and over!

    Reply
  28. This was just awesome! Tell your wife that the cake out perfectly in the end! Now you got an awesome cake and a freshly pressed post out of it. Instead of trying to copy Pinterest recipes and projects, I’m always trying to make new things that are Pinterest worthy and that people will want to pin from my blog so that people will want to copy me. It results in the same level of time suck and frustration except I get the additional sadness of no one ever pinning the super awesome stuff I wasted all that time on. Damn you Pinterest!!

    Reply
    • I couldn’t come up with anything Pinterest-worthy if I wanted to. Except, apparently, a “Pinterest sucks” blog post.

      I’ll call it a win.

      Reply
  29. Haha this is hilarious but I’m definitely agreeing with you. Pinterest (and even Tumblr) post these ridiculously good looking pictures of amazingly delicious foods (such as that pretty pink cake above) that you think looks easy to make, but when you attempt to recreate its perfection you fail miserably and you get annoyed as you’ve wasted all this time and energy and don’t even have an amazing creation to show for it. *Breathes* nope, not my favorite. Great post I can definitely relate to!

    Reply
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  31. Haha, so perfectly true! Now these fantastic ideas are thrust in my face and (robot voice) *I*Must*Make*Something*Creative*and*Exquisite*So*That*Everyone*Is*Impressed… Oh pinterest, what a love/hate relationship you’ve conjured.

    Reply
  32. I just pinned this and I can’t stop laughing! You’ll be happy to know it’s on my Random Awesomeness board which is full of hilarious memes, pinterest cockups and other funny things that don’t in any way involve baking or crafts. The only board that counts
    You rock, and your wife is pure talent!

    Reply
    • Thanks! We’ll take Pinterest down from the inside!

      I agree that she is, too. How she ended up settling for me is a great mystery of the universe.

      Reply
  33. She did a beautiful job. Buttercream is a wonderful thing, especially with a tablespoon of dark rum in it. Actually, the cake tastes pretty good with a few tablespoons of dark rum in it, too. Ah, hell, just pour out half a cup of dark rum and add it to the chef.

    Reply
  34. Haha! Totally true on the last sentence! The only good thing about pinterest is getting room/house decor ideas. But sadly most of the crafts that i attempt end up in my large “fail pile”

    Reply
  35. “She’ll get fed up trying to frost these layers and throw them in the trash. You’ll cry—partly because you just had to go out and buy that cake mix and partly because cake just went into the trash instead of your belly. This is a sacrifice to the Pinterest gods. They are a vengeful lot.”

    You’ve probably had dozens of people say this already, but the above is pure genius, which means you are too! You should be paid to write this stuff! Maybe in some newspaper column that functions as an antithesis for all those pesky pins and cooking magazines that label hard, creative work as “fun” or “easy”.

    Reply
  36. hilarious stuff….
    the cake looks delicious and am sure your trips to the store and your wife’s obsession for being pinterest perfect, paid off very well!
    pinning it up, right away.
    congratulations on freshly pressed and definitely on your talented wife!

    Reply
    • My wife went through more pains than I did, and it definitely paid off—at least for me.

      It’s true for childbirth, and it’s true for Pinterest cakes.

      Reply
  37. Haha, my bo definitely needs to read this one. He’ll feel like someone understands the pain he goes through when i make cakes! (turned out beautifully though 🙂

    Reply
    • A lot of us understand. Tell him the club meets Wednesdays at 6:30. Newbie buys the first round—all the better to wash away the memories of Pinterest attacks.

      Reply
    • Only a terrible craftsman blames his tools. And only a sociopathic kitten-kicker screams at cake. But we can all hate Pinterest. It’s the universal enemy.

      Reply
  38. Oh noo.. My brain has refused to remeber pintrest thise days (birthday for a 2 year old coming up) Argh Must Go Look.. Will use a whole f*** day on a cake, curses -_-
    Brilliant written 😀

    Reply
    • I find myself doing that often, too. Usually reading my blog. Hey! We have something in common! Do your coworkers walk by chanting prayers and making the sign of the cross at your door, too?

      Reply
    • I don’t know what came over me. I just started and figured I should probably finish. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

      The cake is gone. It done been ate. And we’re not making another one. Not for a million dollars.

      Okay, maybe for a million dollars. When can you send the check?

      Reply
    • It probably does want to let the creativity out.

      SO IT CAN CRUSH AND DEVOUR EVERY ARTISTIC IMPULSE AND SENSE OF SELF WORTH AND IMBIBE YOUR ESSENCE TO FEED ITS SUPREMACY! BOW BEFORE PINTEREST, YOUR LORD AND MASTER, MORTALS!

      Reply
    • The fact that it’s true only makes my deepening sense of personal shame and worthless that much more painful. Thanks for bringing it up, pal.

      Reply
      • I was laughing at your pain because it is also my own. We can be ashamed and worthless together. Curse you, Pinterest. Curse you.

      • Well, as long as you’re down here in the mud with me, I guess that’s cool. Misery and self-loathing love company.

  39. That is one beautiful cake!

    The cake-in-the-trash part was heartbreaking. My wife is suggesting that I comment to say you should find a “cake-pop recipe” so such tragedy can be avoided in the future.

    Reply
    • You thought it was heartbreaking—I had to watch it go in the trash.

      Cake pops appear to be easier to throw. I might be ducking a lot more should something go wrong with them.

      Reply
      • No! Cake pops are cake crumbs mixed with frosting and squeezed into a ball. They were invented to give failed cakes a second chance at being enjoyed. FYI for next time, because no cake should ever go in the trash because it’s ugly.

  40. haha! Pinterest does make everything more complicated down to the fact that I feel like I fail at sock drawer organization. New project? See now I’m spending a saturday constructing a contraption to organize socks.

    Reply
    • Oh dear god, they got you, too! Run! Run before the Pinteresters (Pintites? Pinnies? Marthas?) sacrifice you on the altar—which, appropriately enough, is covered in chalkboard paint and photographed up close with Instagram desaturation.

      Reply
  41. Oh man, I’m pretty much the millionth commenter, but I do love this. I had a very similar experience before Easter when I was attempting to make these crushed oreos dipped in melted white chocolate on top to make them look like eggs. Pinterest made it look so easy! Plus, the impression the site gives is that when I bring in the oreo Easter eggs, everyone will be dying to have one because they are just oh-so-cute and delicious.
    Guess what? They didn’t come out like the pictures or blog said they would and they were overlooked because there were a million other desserts THAT EVERYONE BOUGHT AT A STORE.
    But because of Pinterest, I felt that I must make something so cute.
    …and yet I keep going back.

    Reply
    • The Pinterest gods are cruel and fickle. They demand blood sacrifice. Or Oreos, whichever is more handy and goes better with cream cheese.

      Reply
  42. I completely understand your wife’s dilemma as well, I spent 12 hours on making a cake from Pinterest. from 4pm to 4am. She must have what I have, a desire to make something perfect for others even if it drives them crazy brain impairment. I also agree with you about your comment “I hope you die in a fire, Pinterest. You and your raised expectations,” even though, I keep pinning and repinning and baking.

    Reply
  43. Loved this post. My favorite line: “and for Pete’s Sake WHO SWEARS AT CAKE IT’S SWEET AND SOFT AND DELICIOUS AND I LOVE YOU CAKE.” I’m glad the cake ordeal is over. That sounded awful.

    Reply
  44. My daughters will not even let me go to the site. I have been forbidden from ever starting. I have been tempted at times. Now after reading your story I will block it forever. Thank you for saving me.

    Reply
    • This is because your daughters love you. You can thank them with copious amounts of non-Pinterest gifts. And booze. If they’re on Pinterest, they’ll need it.

      Reply
  45. I literally….laughed out loud. Oh how I wish Pinterest did not consume my every thought. My husband will enjoy your rantings, and feel like your long lost brother as he smile with glee that somebody else in the world “GETS IT!” ha ha!

    Reply
  46. Congrats fellow FP’er! I finally had to walk away from Pinterest..all of those spectacularly dressed, culinary gifted, deep and thoughtful, artistic and perpetually organized women with perfect houses and husbands and great tattoos started to make me question my womanhood.

    Reply
    • That’s why I prefer Facebook. It’s just my friends getting drunk and making duck faces at the camera. The bar isn’t that high.

      It’s the Walmart of social media.

      Reply
  47. I feel your pain, my friend. Pinterest convinced me that I could teach myself how to cut my own hair. Somehow in the process, I lost 16 inches and my pride. Trust me, some things are worth paying for – and for me – cake is one of them.

    Reply
    • If I had any pride left, Pinterest would’ve stolen it from me. I’m sorry it stole your hair. At least it’ll grow back. Once cake hits the trash can, there’s no recovering from that.

      Reply
  48. It’s such a pretty cake!
    I have not succumbed to the lure of pinerest, although some of my craft successes somehow manage to migrate over there. (Is there a way to reclaim/remove/repossess that stuff?) I turn my nose up at all those over achievers, but only when I am alone. Someone might pinerest a picture of me doing so, since I can do it so beautifully! 😀
    Congrats on the FP, it is well deserved.

    Reply
  49. Pinterest is evil!! It draws me in with cute clothes, secret book reading nooks, and chocolate-covered amazingness. I’m sorry the cake went in the trash – an untimely death. 😦

    Reply
    • Pinterest is the social media equivalent of those scary angler fish that lives down in bottomless undersea canyons. You can’t resist the pretty, dangly, glowy bits—then before you know it, you’re lunch.

      Reply
  50. i haven’t made any cakes. but i may have done three DIY t-shirts today using old tees. lol. damn you pinterest even diy t-shirts have to be hard and fancy!!

    Reply
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    • We should start a club—Cakeophiles Against Pinterest. Because all cakes deserve to be loved and eaten voraciously without silverware.

      Reply
  52. So funny and true! I have thrown out so many desserts because of failed Pinterest attempts. Luckily I don’t feel too bad throwing out flour & sugar, but when nuts or other pricey (and healthy!) ingredients are involved, I nearly cry…

    Reply
    • All trashed desserts are deserving of a healthy dose of sobbing and a moment of silence. Maybe pour out a 40 of vanilla extract in memoriam.

      Reply
  53. I think it’s a beautiful cake.
    DH: “That looks like a really yummy cake.”

    I agree with you on Pintrest. But….why not add Facebook, too?

    FTR: I don’t have either. 🙂

    Reply
  54. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Press It | HpWpBp

  55. Hilarious! While Pinterest is a great place recipes and craft ideas – it’s also a place where you see cupcakes shaped to look like cartoon characters and think to yourself “WHO has time for this stuff? And aren’t you just going to eat it anyway?!”

    Well written 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Thanks!

      I kinda want to start a Pinterest board where it’s just normal stuff. Boxed cake mixes with canned frosting still in the pan. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on plain white bread. Cheetos. All snapped by my camera with the flash, no filter. That’ll show em.

      Reply
  56. I am dying because this story is remarkably similar to what I did yesterday! You may inform your wife (or not) that *I* saw on Pinterest where wetting strips of an old towel and wrapping them around the cake pan creates an even rise, so you don’t have to cut the mounded tops off, thus bringing your three layer cake to brave new heights. A trip to the store and two cake mixes latter (cake mixes fixed-up as per Pinterest recipe with milk, not water, butter, not oil, and one extra egg mind you) and my perfectly flat cakes are awaiting finishing touches. It WILL be birthday perfection or die trying!

    Reply
  57. I’m cracking up. I so totally did this, but it involved attempting pumpkin toffee cheesecake at Thanksgiving instead of just making a danged pumpkin freaking pie. This is precisely why I have a “snark” folder on Pinterest…so I can wank on all the silly things people do.

    Reply
    • Exactly! What’s wrong with just a regular ol’ pumpkin pie? (Well, I know what’s wrong with pumpkin pie—it’s gross. But that’s beside the point.) I say “good enough” is good enough.

      Reply
  58. Hysterical! I read this to my husband – AFTER I downloaded pinterest on his phone for him….Clearly should have read this first.

    Reply
  59. Pingback: & you ruin everything, pinterest | WEB REVEALED

  60. This is a beautiful cake. I have also ventured onto Pinterest after convincing and love love love decorating cupcakes. So many ideas on there!

    I enjoyed your post!

    Reply
  61. Aww, pat, pat. Your wife loves you. I’m sure my husband will NOT have that kind of patience. Lucky for him I don’t bake cakes! 😛 Great post, I’m sent here from freshly pressed.

    Reply
    • Thanks for coming by! She does, in fact—despite all mounting arguments to do the opposite—love me. She also obviously loves her mother and sister by the fact that entire cities have not been razed.

      Reply
  62. Agree 100%, Pinterest is evil 😉
    I expect so much of myself these days, everything have to be perfect, all singing, all dancing, with pretty little bows on it.
    Except anything never is. And then we hate ourselves, because of it. It’s Pinterest’s evil work.

    Reply
  63. I love the fact that so many people commented on this piece. I for one LOVE Pinterest. My husband HATES it. He thinks once I open my computer and start pinning, he’s lost me for the evening. For someone who was constantly tearing out pages from magazines and then never finding them again, Pinterest is brilliant. I really like to look at things that interest me and discover things I have never seen before. I suppose you become a little compulsive with the whole idea if you were not careful.
    Personally, I think it is the greatest tool and only wish I had thought of the idea!

    Reply
    • To me, Pinterest is like a tube of cookie dough. It’s really enticing to eat it with a spoon straight from the tube, and eventually you might give in and eat the whole damn thing. Afterward, you feel nauseated and ashamed and like less of a person. Same thing with Pinterest.

      Reply
  64. Reblogged this on DruDanielle and commented:
    I love this! I tried my hardest not to laugh out loud in class while reading. I can relate perfectly to this because I get on pinterest all the time and at the end of the day i usually have about ten new things i would love to try and make, but it never really comes out like the pinterest post. LOL! That cake looks beautiful and im sure after the few days of pinterest hell, that family really thought it was worth it! My mom and i actually tried making pinterest inspired bruchetta this weekend, it turned out pretty good, but included many trips to the store and lots of trial and error!

    Reply
  65. This is exactly what happens in my house. Pinterest has has ruined my belief that I can bake pretty cakes. Tonight I am being tasked to make a Tardis cake for the boyfriends birthday…. chance are it will result in copious amounts of wine to console my soul because the internet has thrown up too many fabulous versions that I can never re-create. I will not put it in the bin if it goes wrong however, it can be altered to become lunch throughout the next week. Cake should never be thrown out, it just shouldn’t have pictures taken!!

    Reply
  66. She did a damn good job!

    I have yet to join the evil that is Pinterest. I try not to neglect my kid for weeks at a time and I know that will happen if I ever click on the site.

    Reply
  67. I have been the victim of many Pintrest disasters. I always wonder after hours of blood, sweat and tears why the regular box cake wasn’t good enough.

    Reply
  68. I laughed out loud! Used to be all I had to fear was Martha Stewart, now I am barraged daily by pinterest to remind me how inadequate I am.

    Reply
    • Thanks! She appreciates it.

      Imagine Martha Stewart standing in your kitchen or your living room or your garage, laughing at you while you cook dinner or put together some gizmo or create a project with your kid. Then, suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, she pulls out exactly what you were trying to do, only immaculately done with a few extra twists and flourishes, just to smash your self esteem into tiny glitter-sized bits. Her laugh turns to a wild cackle as you sob into your failure.

      Now you understand Pinterest.

      Reply
  69. I’d ad story about children pictures on Pinterest. Everybody has to have the cutest, the sweetest artistic picture of their kid. If you don’t get one, it means your kid is ugly and you’re ashamed of it. If you don’t have a kid ou better get one cause Pinterest makes u feel bad.

    Reply
    • Pinterest is there to make you feel bad about every facet of your life. And your kids’ lives. And your pets’ lives. And anything else you might be left with a shred of dignity about.

      I haven’t put a picture of my kid up on Pinterest because it would just be unfair to all the other kids on Pinterest. Truth.

      Reply
  70. I don’t Pinterest, I learned long ago that it either sucks people in and forces them to make these extraordinary things, OR it sucks people in and they just keep pinning things, but never do anything with them…ooooh you have an online bulletin board of what you think is cool..yay you…
    Quite good!

    Reply
      • There are so many reasons why I don’t do Pinterest. It’s more time spent collecting images of things I like but can’t/don’t have, can’t/won’t do…it is soul-sucking…there’s enough of that around, I don’t need to go to a place specifically designed for that!

  71. Oh. My. Goodness. I feel like I just need to comment on this so that I can get on my stats later and look at this post when I am having an awful day. (Which will not be caused by Pinterest…still haven’t visited the site at all. To be honest, I have difficulty spelling it, which, come to think of it might be a problem if I ever do want to visit…to plant a virus to wipe it off the face of the World Wide Web, of course.) That said, you have a transcendent, extremely funny style of writing that I’m glad you shared in this post. Thank you. (And, ultimately, thanks to your wife for being on Pinterest and a baker!)

    Reply
    • Thanks! You’re fantastic for my ego. My wife would probably say the opposite, but this isn’t her blog, so anytime you want to lavish compliments on me, I’m willing to oblige. I appreciate you coming by, and please keep me updated on the status of that virus. I’m in.

      Reply
  72. Pingback: A Sunday Summary | Doing it the Open Way

      • Oh, it’s an addiction I can’t fight! Hey, at least in return you get some really yummy cake! I just baked another cake last weekend, hubby had to run twice to the store for strawberries. But the result was absolutely worth all the trouble! 😀

  73. Wow, I never really knew stuff like this can be found on Pinterest! But I love cakes and I love making them. Expect thank you notes from my husband in the future!
    And thank you for sharing this story!

    Reply
  74. I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoyed this post and how much I can completely relate to it! Congrats on getting freshly pressed it was well deserved!

    Reply
  75. Agreed, Pinterest is evil. Someone needs a cake, I either go buy one at the store or use a standard cake mix and a jar of frosting. I save my baking creativity for cookies, but even then, I NEVER visit the evil halls of Pinterest, and my husband’s only job is taste tester.

    Reply
    • Cake is such a marvelous invention, I don’t feel why people feel the need to mess with it. It’s like trying to improve on the wheel. Or Cheez-Its.

      Reply
  76. As I read this I just laughed out loud. My sisters say the same thing, and when I bring something to a family function they say, “let me guess did you get this off of Pinterest”. Well sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t but even if I didn’t than I get no credit because they think I just copied someone else. As much as I love Pinterest I feel the need to make things even more perfect now. Thank you for the laugh!!!

    Reply
  77. This was the BEST blog post ever! I’m dying laughing! Probably because I’ve had similar experiences with Pinterest. I spend hours researching recipes, shopping, preparing, and cooking only to serve the worst meals and treats I’ve ever made in my life! It is one major disappointment after another! You should spearhead the People against Pinterest club.

    Reply
    • Thanks! The cake was actually pretty good because my wife is just amazing, but the process to get there was akin to the tasks of Hercules.

      Reply
  78. Pingback: O is for Ombre | Trashy Girl

  79. Ha! I just wrote something about Pinterest too. I cannot decide if it does more good or bad. Because I too and suffering from MUST BAKE A PERFECT CAKE syndrome…. but in all aspects of my life.

    Thanks for a fun read!

    Reply
  80. Absolutely Awesome post! I felt this same way when I tried the “Magic Cake” recipe http://wp.me/p3lTB0-N, then promptly tasted and tossed in the trash. Then I still had to clean up the ENTIRE kitchen’s worth of dishes that it took to make the cake! Sometimes I miss the box mix and can of frosting too.

    Reply
  81. Here I sit at my work desk in the library, belting out the most sinful laughter ever! This was frickin hilarious and lovely at the same damn time. I should be shhh-shing people but no here I am watching this post unravel in my mind. I see the cake, the chaos, the pink layers, the hand cramps, and yummy buttercream. Thank you- wife whom fell under the influence of the Sinister Pinterest! Top that Martha Stew….
    Clicking the “Love It” button. Whenever I find it.

    Reply
    • Careful. I don’t want to get you fired. We need all the librarians we can get these days. Just go easy on the shushing.

      Reply
  82. this was hilarious…may be next time your wife can try polka dot cakes, the look pretty cute 😉
    and i should confess when I saw these pink swirly cakes on Pinterest, I wanted to bake one too and I have never baked a cake before. Not sure if your story inspires me to try or….may be not 😉

    Reply
  83. Pingback: We Interrupt this message… | The House of O

  84. hmmm…if anything pinterest has lowered my opinions of what other people in the world can acheive…
    a pin…on how to make shorts out of trousers??
    does this really need instructions?

    the most annoying thing about pinterest is it has popularised everything i have always done…making me a little bit more mainstream and appear like i care about fasion and trends :-S

    Reply
  85. I am so glad it I am not the only person who does not like “pinterest” and I personally have gone on it once and will never do so again! Super funny and amazing writing

    Reply
  86. Pingback: We Interrupt this message… | thehouseofo

  87. Pingback: A Daddy Blogger’s Protest Against Pinterest : Funny Stuff | Simple Planner

  88. Reblogged this on Hollywood Pop Candy and commented:
    This little story entertained me so much a grey hazy “too cold for spring” Oregon morning that I actually laughed out loud over it. No, I won’t type “LOL” – this deserved typing out the three words “laughed out loud.” Thank you for this. It genuinely lifted my spirits. My favorite phrase in the piece was “swirly doodads”.

    Reply
  89. Hilariously true! Pintrest is the social media version of highly photoshopped magazines with skinny ‘perfect’ models. Both create unrealistic expectations!! I must admit though, that is a VERY pretty cake! Pintrest: 1, Humans: 0

    Reply
  90. I actually made the cake you are discussing for my daughters birthday…I am pretty sure my boyfriend was ready to hack my phone and delete pinterest as I finished baking layer 6 of my masterpiece pastel rainbow cake. But he has no complaints over the soy and ginger marinated pork chops.

    Reply
  91. After volunteering to make my cousins christening cake (complete with an edible picture of him) the family refuse to be in the house with me if I am baking for some big occasion. Apparently they cant stand the pressure anymore…

    Reply
  92. Pingback: Happy Birthday Two You! | for blog's sake

  93. This is so funny. Pinterest has been the cause of more than one wasted afternoon, followed by another wasted afternoon, followed by a call to the local bakery.

    Reply
  94. Pingback: Why I’m anti-anti-Pinterest. | I'll Sleep When They're Grown

  95. Pingback: A Sunday Summary | Doing it the Open Way

  96. Pingback: & some resuscitation, with introductions | & squatch makes three

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