& we caught one

Taking sick day like any normal kid: Kickin back and watchin some 'toons.

Taking sick day like any normal kid: Kickin back and watchin some ‘toons.

It’s official. Squatch’s first sickness is in the books.

I suppose it was only a matter of time before it happened, really. Kids get sick. You parents know that. Oh boy, do you know that. So I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that it took him seven months to finally come down with something.

Last Friday, we went to visit our nearby friends and Felix got to see his good buddy Jack. We hadn’t gotten to hang out with them much recently because pretty much everyone in their house had come down with one nasty thing or another pretty solid for about two or three weeks prior to that. A little after we got over there Friday, Jack started to come down with some sniffles. It didn’t seem like too big a problem, and we were happy to be hanging out with our friends again. He didn’t have the plague or anything.

At one point, Jack picked up Squatch’s Sophie to give it to him, but his mom stepped in. She put it aside and said, “You’ll probably want to wash that before you give it to him.” I took the note down in my head and put it in the pocket of Squatch’s diaper bag so I wouldn’t forget.

Fast forward to yesterday, when Karli texts me to let me know that Squatch had his official first cold. And of course it hit me. I forgot to clean that damn giraffe. I just took it out of the diaper bag on Saturday and gave it to him to play with. Didn’t even think twice about it. I’m the guy in the epidemic movie who says, “Aw, come on guys. It’s just a cute little monkey.”

It's not long before the cold catches up to you, is it buddy?

It’s not long before the cold catches up to you, is it buddy?

It’s mostly just a runny nose. To you and me, that’s just a bad day at the office. But when it’s his first, to Squatch it’s like someone’s trying to kill him from the inside of his head. The drippy snot leads to coughing and trouble swallowing. He can’t breathe well, which means he has trouble eating, sleeping, and—oddly enough—pooping very well. Amazing how something so minor to us can wreck his whole damn life, isn’t it?

Turns out it wrecks ours, too. Both Sunday night and last night were pretty awful nights for him, which means they were pretty awful nights for us. He was up every hour or so because he’d get so stopped up that it’d cause him to wake up, which means he’d scream, which means we’d have to go get him and soothe him back to sleep. Brings back those oh-so-fond memories of his first couple months—the ones where he ate about twenty times a night until Karli and I both were curled up in corners sobbing quietly to ourselves.

I do keep finding myself feeling so bad for him. At one point soon after I got home from work yesterday, he got into a coughing fit so bad that he started to turn blue. It didn’t last long but it freaked me the hell out. His little eyes were watering and he looked terrified.

If I could trade places with him, I—well, I wouldn’t. Being sick sucks. Chances are he’ll pass on plenty of crap once he starts school and makes lots of germ-festering little friends. He’s going to get sick a lot, which means I’m going to get sick a lot. He can go ahead and take this one.

Typhoid Sophie gets sanitized. Too little, too late.

Typhoid Sophie gets sanitized. Too little, too late.

One thing’s for damn sure. I washed that effing giraffe. Got some boiling water and some dish soap, and I made sure that every trace of virus or bacteria or DNA was scalded to hell. Scorched earth, baby.

Fun fact: When you submerge a Sophie the Giraffe toy in water, it comes out sounding almost exactly like a stopped-up baby. It’s uncanny. Until all the water works its way out, the giraffe will be wheezing her way through the day right along with Squatch. That also means it’s probably a good idea for me to warn you not to stick your Sophie the Giraffe in water. Just wipe it clean. Otherwise you’ll probably be scolded by your significant other and your kid’s sleep-deprived eyes will glare at you with betrayal and confusion. Just trust me on this one.


I went and changed things up this morning, revamped the look of the blog. You dig? Let me know if there are any problems with it.

Also, if you haven’t yet, you should like the Official & Squatch Makes 3 Facebook Page. If I get 30 followers, I get access to the Insights thing. Insights, guys! I have no idea what that is, but it sounds exciting. I just need one more to get to that magic spot.

And yes, you read that right. Only 29 people like my Facebook page. I’m just not that cool. Or maybe I’m too cool. Yeah, we’ll go with that one.

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15 thoughts on “& we caught one

  1. Oh ho ho ho ho, my friend. Just you wait. Juuuuuuust you wait. Wait until Squatch is the oldest of three… in kindergarten, and brings home every nasty thing the scientists haven’t even named yet. Inevitably he’ll give it to the baby… only 3 months old, poor thing… and all three kids will be sick at the same time.

    Then, a week later after they’re all finally over it and nobody has slept, you and Karli will get it.

    BWAHAHAHA!!!

    Reply
    • I feel like this is some sort of curse being placed upon my head. Is it wrong that I read this in the voice of a crazy gypsy fortune teller?

      Reply
  2. Ah, the ‘snot sucker’! I always made Name Redacted do the snot sucking when one of the kids had a cold, because I was sure I’d suck out part of their brain. I hope my favorite baby boy gets to feeling better soon!!

    Reply
    • He actually liked the snot sucker before when I used it. After the past couple days, however, he’s kind of over it.

      He’s already starting to come around. I think it might have been a short-lived cold.

      Reply
  3. I have opinions on snot suckers. First off, ours is missing and I feel like I must’ve put it in the handiest place ever and now that place doesn’t exist. Second, get a NoseFrida or however it’s spaced. You suck on a tube and 1) you control the suction, 2) you keep the end in their nose and don’t have to keep rejamming it in their nostrils, 3) it works like you wouldn’t believe. Don’t be freaked by breathing in boogs – you won’t.

    Reply
    • I’m not gonna lie—sucking a booger into my mouth like a snot slurpee has always been my biggest deterrent in getting one of those things.

      Reply
  4. Aw, little colds are the worst! You’d do anything to fix them – if they could only blow their darn noses! Fortunate for you to have gone so long without him getting sick. Doodle’s first fever (at 7 weeks) landed him in the hospital for ten days on antibiotics.

    Reply
  5. There, 30 likes! We just got through our 5th, no 6th? lost count cold. Fun stuff. The not sleeping is by far the worst part but Alex didn’t pretty good with this last cold now that she’s a tummy sleeper, only woke 3 times at night instead of 10. I hope he’s feeling better soon!

    Reply
    • You’re my new superhero! I wish I had a prize I could give away for my 30th “Liker,” but I make a teacher’s salary and frankly, giving away something for 30 likes would be pretty sad on my part. But your prize shall be my undying love and respect for pushing me over that magical 30th peak.

      Now that I’m there, though, the Insights bit was rather anticlimactic. You guys could’ve warned me…

      Reply
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