Today makes nine years. No, Squatch hasn’t been cooking for nine years. It’s something much more terrifying.
Nine years ago today, I managed to trick Karli into putting up with my crap day-in and day-out, forever. Yes, she actually married me. And today is the last anniversary where it’s just the two of us.
Rather than do another mushy-gushy post, I’ll spare you and just link to the last one I did. Instead, we’ll talk about marriage. Cool?
Based on my completely scientific cursory Google search, the average marriage in the US these days lasts 7-8 years. Karli and I are officially above average now. That makes me an expert on marriage. Don’t argue. As an expert on marriage, I’m going to the three things I know that make a marriage last.
First, don’t listen to idiots on the internet who think they know anything about marriage. Or anyone else for that matter. They know about their marriages. And that might not work in yours. People tend to take any opportunity to tell you a bunch of bullshit about something they don’t understand. Like their ninth anniversary.
Second—okay, there’s nothing I actually know about making a marriage last. I’m just lucky I haven’t screwed this one up yet. I’ve done my share of stupid garbage, and she’s still here. As far as you know. You never can tell with the internets, can you?
All right, enough of this. You’re all great, but I’m going to spend my anniversary with my wife now. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the ways to keep a marriage together. Play nice.