& the freak-down: beasts of burden

The Freak-Down

49 Days

We’ve got these animals. I’ve talked about them before. And now that Squatch Day is inching closer, I start to wonder how these two are going to take it. I think every pet owner and parent-to-be wonders that at some point.

So let’s walk through these two bozos so you can see the source of my freak-out for today.

Gordie: The Dog


This dog has more neuroses than Woody Allen.

It’s one thing if our dog was just some laid-back lug who’s cool with whatever. I probably wouldn’t worry too much about how Squatch’s addition would affect her. But she’s not. She’s afraid of every-damn-thing—the cat, hard flooring, thunder, rain, loud noises, soft noises, vacuum cleaners, Karli’s yoga ball, tall people, and just about anything else you can think of. The one thing she isn’t afraid of is other dogs, actually. She thinks they’re all her friends, whether they are or not.

She’s seemed to do fairly well around my nephews when they’ve seen her. She’s been her usual neurotic self, but manages to keep the panic to a subdued level. Mostly she just sniffs and licks faces, then eyes them warily. They’ve only been around her for short periods of time, so I’m still kind of anxious to see how she does when the little person-like creature doesn’t go anywhere.

The thing about her is that she’s the reason our housing options tend to be limited when we go to move. Trying to find a place that takes larger dogs is kind of tough. That means it’s not just Squatch and our jobs that will determine where we live. The dog is going to be a factor, too.

I’m pretty sure she won’t hurt Squatch. At least not on purpose. When we were living in Minnesota, we found out she had a habit of killing rabbits from playing with them too hard. But Squatch is going to be bigger than a baby rabbit, so it’s cool, right?

Turk: The Cat


Don’t let the picture fool you. He’s large and vicious.

He thinks he’s a tiger. Most cats do, I guess. Which means he has a habit of attacking pretty much everything. Usually it’s Gordie or Karli.

He’s not really a small cat, either. When most people see him the first time, they confuse him for a small dog. Depending on how big Squatch is when it finally gets here, it could be a while before getting a size matchup to Turk. Maybe by the time toddlerhood rolls around.

Believe it or not, the cat’s the one I’m more worried about. Not in a “don’t let the cat in the crib because it’ll steal the baby’s breath” kind of way, but more like a Good Son kind of way. He’s more sociable than most cats tend to be, and he follows us around the house a lot. Since the latch is missing on our bathroom door, I actually tend to have both pets as company whenever I go in there to do my business. I’m slightly afraid Turk might get a little jealous, so I think we’ll have to be careful until Squatch catches up to his weight class and can defend himself.


A momentary truce. Because it’s cold.

Karli’s pretty excited to see Squatch pull Turk’s tail. Antagonizing the cat is one of her favorite pastimes, and I think she’s looking forward to having a teammate. Neither of us really thinks the pets pose an actual threat, so our job is mostly to make it feel like nothing’s changed around here. Which means bullying the cat and soothing the dog’s neurotic tendencies. As long as we do that, we should be fine.

Personally, I’m looking forward to the day when Squatch can walk the dog and clean the litter so that job doesn’t fall to me all the time. That’s what kids are for, right?


2 thoughts on “& the freak-down: beasts of burden

  1. We did a trial run with a baby (toddler? when does that switch?) last week, and the cats survived pretty well. Just make sure the baby is never covered in steak sauce, and you should be okay.


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