& who needs an alarm clock?

I’ve snooped around enough pregnancy and parenting blogs to know the things that people get worked up about in the process of cooking up their spawn. I hear a bunch about the Braxton Hicks and the kicking of the ribs. But in our house, our fury has been diverted to another pregnancy hurdle: Round Ligament Pain.

Here’s how it went down.

At around five this morning, Karli turned on the light in our bedroom and said something about going to the hospital. She was in pain and crying. In the course of about five seconds, I did about seven different Muppet impressions, starting with Sam the Eagle as I glared at the light to the Swedish Chef as I spouted some half-awake gibberish that made sense to nobody else and finally into full-blown Animal as I threw on clothes and sped off for McAlester.

The drive at 5ish a.m. made me realize a couple things. First, how do people in places like this live with the hospital thirty miles away? I don’t mean that in a city-fied, “Ugh, how do they live without Starbucks?” kinda way. No, I mean how are these people still alive? Any serious injury is going to bleed out before they can get there. I’m surprised this place isn’t covered in foam rubber just to make sure nobody gets hurt.

Second, I think 5:30 a.m. is early enough that probably 80 percent of the people on the road are probably only there for some kind of emergency. Who else in their right mind would be out that early on a Saturday? That means if you’re in the other 20 percent, you need to speed the hell up, especially on a two-lane highway. It’s too early for casual jaunts. Drive fast or stay in bed.

Long story short, the throbbing and stabbing that Karli was worried would be her appendix rupturing or Squatch in distress were just round ligament pain. Completely normal, especially at about 28-29 weeks in the pregnancy. Karli had been feeling the ligament stretching for sometime, but I guess Squatch’s big head* being in the right spot just caused a little extra pain. So thanks a lot for that, baby.

*I’m guessing. It is my kid, after all.

They told her to take it easy for a couple days, which she was very glad to do. We came back home and went back to sleep for a little while before heading out to a baseball game that she had to photograph. She got a nice sunburn on her legs to go with her stretching ligaments. It’s not a good day to be Karli’s legs.

Of course, Karli’s policy on giving blood apparently applies to scary doctor visits of any kind—later in the day we went and got ice cream. It’s always a good day for ice cream.


9 thoughts on “& who needs an alarm clock?

    • Pretty sure there was a Beaker and a Gonzo in there, too, probably. Of course, when we got to the hospital and they said it was round ligament pain, completely normal for pregnant ladies at this point in time, I went for a little more Statler and Waldorf.

      • ohhhhhh, no link needed! i know them well. i used to say on stage when people would stare at me with blank faces…’you guys are like the old granpas from the muppets…’ worked every time. he, he.

    • Yeah, she’s fine now. She was worried they’d yell at her if it was nothing, but I kept saying it’s better to go to the hospital and have it be nothing than to stay home and have it be something. Hopefully we won’t have to do that again till Squatch is actually ready to come.

  1. sorry she is in so much pain. I am afraid it doesn’t getva lot better as time goes on. I was in various forms of agonizing back/hip pain the whole time and then as a bonus developed a bruised tailbone situation from all that extra weight on it that still acts uo three months later if i sit on too firm a chair. pregnancy is no fun sometimes…..

    • Karli keeps questioning the sanity of people she hears about who say they love being pregnant. She’s been ready to be done with this for about the last 20 weeks.


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