& literary greatness

Pure literary gold.

I’ve been getting in the habit of reading to Squatch. It’s never too early to start getting your kid interested in books. Especially if you’re a writer. That’s called job security.

We’ve amassed a pretty good collection of kids’ books already, especially after last weekend, when we had a baby shower down here that was book-themed. With the local library’s book sale going on last week before the shower, the people throwing it stocked up on a ton of books and sent them home with us. That means if Squatch isn’t a bookworm, Karli and I seriously screwed this up.

One of my favorite books I’ve read to Squatch is I Want My Hat Back. It’s not one we got from the shower—I ordered it online a little while back (because there are no bookstores around here, in case you’ve forgotten)—and I’ve read it to Squatch a couple times already. The artwork in it is pretty cool, but I find the story hilarious. Karli, however, does not.

Fair warning—there will be spoilers here. So if you’ve been putting off learning the ending to I Want My Hat Back till the movie comes out, you might not want to read on.

So the basic plotline is that the bear wants his hat back. That much you probably figured out. Well, <spoiler> the rabbit has it.</spoiler> He’s not the quickest bear, so it takes him a minute to figure out, but he eventually does. Then there’s a showdown. And as you can see here, <spoiler>he gets his hat back:</spoiler>

And what a fine hat it is.

Here’s where Karli takes issue with the book. How does the bear get his hat back? <major spoiler>HE EATS THE RABBIT!</spoiler>

Hi-freaking-larious!

Only Karli is slightly appalled that it’s in a kid’s book. The way that information is revealed, though, is probably a little hard to pick up on for the really little kids, but I think it’s the funniest part of the book.

I even called it. The first time we read it, we got to the page where the bear and rabbit are having their staredown. I said, “He’s going to eat that rabbit.” Karli said, “No he’s not. They’re not going to put that in a kid’s book.” Then the bear ate it.

I love it so much that I’ve started adding “and then he was eaten by a bear” to the end of every book.

Good Night Moon: “Good night noises everywhere.”
Ande: “And then he was eaten by a bear.”

Green Eggs and Ham: “Thank you! Thank you, Sam I am!”
Ande: “And then he was eaten by a bear.”

It’s an instant classic story ending.

Now, Karli’s favorite book for Squatch is called Mostly Monsterly.  We actually got it for free in a box of Cheerios. That version actually has the English and Spanish versions of it. Karli doesn’t like it when I read the Spanish parts to Squatch because I use my super-suave Telemundo voice. She thinks it’ll confuse Squatch.

We plan on buying the actual book, not the free bilingual Cheerios edition, but it’s a pretty cute story. The little monster in it is an interesting girl and it’s got a good message.

It’s just too bad what happens to her with that bear in the end. Tragic.

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19 thoughts on “& literary greatness

  1. This takes roots in “A Winters Tale” by Shakespeare (Act III, Scene 3):
    Antigonus:
    A savage clamour!
    Well may I get aboard! This is the chase:
    I am gone forever.
    [Exit, pursued by a bear]

    When Squatch asks Daddy why did the bear eat the rabbit, then you can give him/her the best lesson of all: “Bears be bears.”

    Reply
    • Yeah, the Shakespearean nod was not lost on me.

      And “bears be bears” is a valuable life lesson to learn, so it’s probably best to get that out of the way early.

      Reply
    • Well, I don’t miss Facebook, but I do miss hearing about the misadventures of your crew of short people.

      You know where to find me now, though!

      Reply
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  7. I am now also going to think “and then he got eaten by a bear” every time I leave a job interview, just for the tension breaker laugh. Thank You!

    Reply
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