& more dangers of sleeping

The other day, I didn’t quite capture everything I wanted to in my post on sleeping, so I figured I’d touch on a few more things—not necessarily Squatch-related—that make sleeping in my own bed something of an adventure. In fact, I’m practically the Indiana Jones of sleeping around these parts.

For instance, in one of my wife’s favorite sleeping positions, she likes to support her head with her right hand. And, of course, she likes to snuggle in close. This results in what I like to call The Razor Elbow of Death:

It’s every bit as pleasant as it looks. Eventually, you just learn to live with the knot between your shoulder blades because waking her up is not an option.

Then, there’s Turk, the cat. Our bed is beneath a window, and we have a headboard that reaches up almost to the windowsill. As a result, Turk likes to get up in the window, but uses us as a takeoff/landing zone. So we end up with The Flying Cat of Doom. I’m pretty sure this is what he sees from up in the window:

Then there’s Gordie, the dog. Gordie is a dog. Which means that she is capable of biological warfare. This means she becomes The Bearer of the Poisoned Wind:

In order to defend myself, I need to come to bed prepared. Indiana Jones had his good looks, his sizable knowledge, his rapier wit, and his bull whip. I’ve got them all but the bull whip, and I haven’t checked with Karli, but I’m pretty sure the whip’s not on the table at this point in time. Maybe after we have a kid or two, but not now. So I’ve had to come up with my own defense system. I’m still honing its effectiveness, though:

Usually, the only thing it gets me is a trip to the couch, where I’m joined by both the dog and the cat. At least someone around here is getting some sleep. So long as Squatch isn’t doing tae-bo lessons all night.

Don’t Forget the Giveaway!

I’m not doing the sleep theme intentionally, but I might as well run with it while I got the chance. Yesterday, I mentioned the extra Sleep Sheep we got from a friend that I’m giving away on the blog. All you gotta do is go comment on that post and tell me you want it. I’ll draw a winner at random when we get back from Kansas on Sunday, March 25. All the details are there on that post, and there aren’t many of them.

Get yer Sleep Sheep while you can!


7 thoughts on “& more dangers of sleeping

    • I think I got a check mark. Maybe a check-plus. I don’t know that my elementary school did grades in art. But I rocked it.

      Ah, fifth grade—the days before I gave up on life.

  1. I realize I’m late with this comment, but after my recent sleep shenanigans, I feel like we’re sleep-crynized (yep, came up with that one on the spot). Just don’t break you neck, Indy 😉

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