Twice, I’ve promised you a post on our search for Squatch’s crib—or, as Karli has inexplicably taken to calling it, the Squatch Bus—and twice I have failed to carry through. I’m trying not to be that dad. The one who says, “Sure, I’ll be at your game, Johnny. I just gotta get some work done first.” Trying but failing.
I’m afraid that now I’ve built it up so much in your mind that now the quest is equal to that of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade or at least Dude, Where’s My Car?—though I will say that it’s probably better than Dude, Where’s my Car? because the story of me getting a colostomy bag would be better than that movie. All I’m saying is don’t get disappointed, deal? And now, the story of the crib. Y’know—this crib:
A couple weeks ago, my dad and stepmom came down to visit. When we first warned them about the impending Squatch, they said they usually buy the bedding sets for the fetus. That’s what they’d done for the previous grandkids that my brother and stepbrothers had provided them. However, Karli told them that her plan was to make crib sheets since she’s yet to see a set in the colors she wants. I know—picky, right?
So with that off the table, they asked what the crib was like that we wanted to get. The one we wanted cost less than most crib sheets (by about half), so they said that they’d like to get us that and the mattress. We’re not going to argue.
Since Karli needed the mattress in order to get the sizing right on the sheets, she arranged a good time for them to come down so we could go get this thing. She picked the one she did because it was available in Target when she had me zap it with the registry gun so that it would be easy to find and buy. This was before we realized Target’s apparent business plan of keeping the minimum amount of baby things in stock. Apparently, babies aren’t steady enough business.
After realizing this, Karli found out that Walmart carries a similar crib—almost identical, in fact—but also has a similar business plan to Target. Apparently, big box stores don’t take kindly to people just walking in and buying a crib.
The Friday that my dad and stepmom were down, they took a trip into the McAlester Walmart to see if they happened to have the crib and mattress in stock. They returned with the mattress, but no luck on the crib. While there, they had the guest services people call some other Walmarts in the area to see if they had it. Apparently, that particular crib was out of stock at a lot of places.
That evening, we took to the phone lines like we were in a telethon. We called every Walmart within two hours of us. Every Target. After a couple hours, we seemed to be getting nowhere. UNTIL:
The Target in Tulsa (on Yale Avenue) had the crib! In their store! The lady on the phone was looking right at it! And the conversation between her and my stepmom went something like this:
Stepmom: Great! Can we pay for it over the phone and come get it?
Target Lady: No, sorry, we don’t do that.
SM: Okay, then can you hold it for us?
TL: Sure, just toddle on down here and it’ll be waiting for you.*
SM: Well, we’re in Wilburton.
TL: Is that a place?**
SM: About two hours away. Can we get it tomorrow?
TL: We have a dumb policy of putting everything back at night***, so you’ll have to call us tomorrow morning and we’ll hold it for you.
*She may not have said toddle—I wasn’t on the phone with her—but I’d bet she did.
**Probably not her actual words, but likely the sentiment behind it. We’re used to it.
***Again, probably not her actual words, but as a former Target employee (an experience I’d like to forget but will probably blog about at some point) I can say they are chockfull of idiotic, non-customer-friendly policies. You know, like most businesses.
Friday ended with
my precious the crib dangling just out of our grasp. We knew where it was, and we just had to make the trek to Mount Doom Tulsa to get it. Which means Saturday morning started with a phone call to Target over turkey bacon (Karli’s pregnancy breakfast of choice) and an early start on the journey. Hang with me; we’re almost there. I know, I know—you could’ve sat through Monty Python and the Holy Grail, all three Lord of the Rings movies—the director’s cuts—The Maltese Falcon, and The Karate Kid by now.
We finally got to Target, got our little hands on the crib, and loaded it into my dad’s van. As we’re getting it loaded, the Target guy who’s helping us says, “I know this crib. Someone just returned it a couple days ago because they got the wrong one of the internet.”
The crib Karli wants, and the only store in Eastern Oklahoma/Western Arkansas that has it only has it because of a messed-up order. Bless you, Baby Registry gods, but next time we’re just ordering off the internet.