I cruise a lot of blogs for all kinds of pregnancy advice and parenthood advice and opportunities to
troll make new friends. I’ve found that sometimes, there are things people just don’t have any good advice for. Last night we encountered one of those things.
We were invited over to have dinner with a couple coworker friends last night. They’re really cool and we like them a lot. (Side note: I took over these cookies I got from the Peaches and Pumpkin blog. They were awesome. I recommend them. Just beware—if you’re like me, it’ll look like a chimpanzee ran through your kitchen by the time you’re done.) But in the past few months, they’ve had kind of a rough time.
They’re a couple who is unable to have kids, so they’ve been working on adoption for a while. They were going through an independent adoption process since they didn’t really have a lot of money for the agencies. And late last October, they got a call. A lady had backed out of her adoption at the last minute and now there was a newborn, and ohbytheway do they want to come pick her up tonight. They were pretty ecstatic.
To make a long story short (and somewhat private), within about two weeks, the birthparents had changed their minds. Our friends handled it a lot better than I would’ve, I’m sure, but it was still devastating. And it hurt for a long time. Probably still stings.
Which led us to the semi-awkward situation last night. How do we tell them Karli’s pregnant? I mean, it won’t be long now before she’s showing anyway, and we don’t want to let them be the last people to know. We’re not dicks. (Well, Karli’s not a dick, anyway.)
I don’t think I’ve seen any really good advice on how to tell people when they’ve been having their own childrearing issues. Probably because every situation is different, and there’s no “right way” to do it. Most likely, it’s just going to be uncomfortable no matter what. Uncomfortable on our end, that is, because we’re the ones trying to be delicate when they probably don’t care. Well, not that they “don’t care,” because they’re great people who have feelings, but that they were fine with it.
We ended up just bringing it (somewhat) naturally into a conversation where it was (reasonably) pertinent to what we were talking about. And it became much less awkward after that. There had been enough healing that the topic of other people’s fortunes with babies didn’t sting so much. We even talked a little about the baby they had for two weeks and laughed a little at the way some schmucks have been tiptoeing around them in talking about babies and things like that. I mean, who would get all awkward and uncomfortable with—oh, right.
In any case, it turned out that they suspected Karli was pregnant before we told them. We were at a New Year’s Eve party with them where they heard some people speaking like we were about to have a kid (we’re still trying to figure out how those people knew before we told them). Only, our friends didn’t want to be rude and ask Karli if she was pregnant. Because that’d be awkward. Heh.
It was a great evening with minimal awkwardness in the end. Just don’t be expecting any advice from me on how to tell people who’ve been having baby trouble. Because I don’t have any. Turns out I’m the awkward one.